If no one, understands God does. You need only to believe in Him. He has a better plan for you. Just don't hurt others and be patient. Do your part and He'll do His. It'll be worth it one day or in the end. If eating shitloads of chocolates make you happy, do it. If writing makes you happy and believing in fairy tales far away from the reality, living in them, pretending to be somewhere else makes you happy, do it. If watching something makes you happy do it. If talking to people do it, who are genuinely do it even if they turn out to be just some strangers who'll walk right past you, do it and don't look back. If that is what makes you happy. Don't chase after those who don't make you feel happy or wonderful. Who don't keep you as a priority and second option or don't even remember you. Who don't consider you someone worth your time. It's their loss. Just don't give a bloody shit and just DO IT! You've got this, you always will. Don't let mean people bully you into the angry person you're not. You're kind from within you'll stay the same. It just wasn't meant to be, so create something else, even if it's surreal. That's the best part. Until then...
Wednesday 3 July 2019
Wrote this some weeks ago but didn't publish it, wont edit rn, too lazy
The world never fucking cares and so should you. Don't depend on anyone or let anyone be the reason for how you feel or think. Search that inner locus of control and hang onto it. Forever. And never let go of it.
Aunt cancer
Emotional wreck
Crying spells
Book vfx
Grad school planning deadlines passed pressure and scrutiny why I don't apply I have a rigid thinking still.mkt.good I know self critic a lot but not like before so progress!!!
Grab my cat and run away to a country or a cave far far away where nobody knows me for a long long time. Gotta make an effort for myself. Short term or long term plans
God never disappoints even if you are related with anybody in any frikkin way productive positive and proactive or toxic
Spiritually being stable is v imp the only corner you can turn to when nothing is working out human beings are just vessels of flesh even the soul a shadow of something one is not really is
Never let anyone especially your family that therapy is bad or not needed. Because it FUCKING IS! Shut all those toxic and conditioned or masked voices away and those that bounce back just let them in politely and forgive. For you deserve peace and stability.
Discord
Screeching for flesh
A timeless abyss
Hungry for a mess
Broken hearts
Aloud are the squeals
Trembling and haunted
Undefined paths
Winds of dissonance
Tearing it apart
Shackles revealed
Forever is gone the shield
Dreadful journeys await
Cries of help
Unheard, the silence befell
Deep down the dark they dwell
A passage too narrow
Gone is the light
Harrowing flashes of dark
Starless nights
Dimly lit dawns
Chords angled
Needs to be edited