Its been a really long while since I wrote anything. It's been somewhat really overwhelming for me since a couple of weeks. Since the relapse early this year, things have gotten really surprisingly better albeit I'm still on meds. No worries. I've fallen into deepest of crevasses and have found myself pulling me up and I've met some cool badass people too haha. New experiences are always good I guess. It feels so calm, serene, to share, laugh it out, curse it out and yeah let it out, say it to those who know what it's like to go something like this. Mental-health issues are not like a fracture that can be cured in a matter of time. They stick with you till the end. You just gotta know how to get over them, stop them from getting the best of you. Anxiety made me see stuff so blurry and all, well not now, not ever now! You get called out at by irrevocably disgusting words, from those so close to you. Not anymore, I mean my being close to them. People are not my thing. Certainly, not those who respect me or at least have the courtesy to shut their mouths. I'm done in these scenarios. Like eternally. I found this online support group which has been really helpful. There isn't any in-person support group system here, I'm planning to start one and collab with other people too re this. Managing and switching between senior year work, internship, finding a suitable issue to address in the final year project,. Promulgating the desire for research, managing extra circulars, filling in grad school apps, chasing after RISDeeeee, write, manage your hobbies, family time etcetera etcetera can be reaally overwhelming for me but well, I know how to go about it. Its not the destination after all
I'd gotten so used to scoring highest that when I hit rock-bottom last semester, the GPA fell straight 14 or 16 points down, when I was so near of dropping out of college lol. I heard stuff like 'dude, are you like on drugs or something? Intoxicated?' well I was kinda, cuz the initial meds didn't work so I had to change the doc. And that was when I realized people are okay with you when you are okay, nobody gives a slightest shit if you are suffering differently, more, cannot let it out, share, be normal, focus and stay in the classroom concentrate, meet deadlines... I got kinda really angry again and irritable, started overthinking so much lol. Anyway, Pets are so beautiful. Snow turned seven months old and plaaayah is one year old now. God I feel like squeezing his fur all day long, kissing him forever and looking in those infinitely amazing eyes. They have helped me soo much with all this. Escaping to your imaginary world is helpful too but don't stay there for too long that it comes gnawing at you if you're not there. We need to accept the dilemma we are as human beings, empathize every moment, be grateful and smile, be happy, stay happy, live and let live. And also accept that we aren't okay too. It's normal to not feel normal and sad and bad and crying so much. I get scared, I fear losing people, because I cannot afford losing those I have. Its totally okay and normal to feel this way maybe. We're so complex that if we start unraveling a human being and exploring the mystery they are, it'd probably take eons. Get this idea of binge-eating, won't though. So yeah.
Live day by day, Moment by moment. Let it out, Let it Go. Love unconditionally. Help unreservedly. Crack like a fool endlessly *totally classy in a badass way*
I just really want to finish my book. I'm doing one of photography too. Maybe I'll include one in my project. I really hope it turns out fine-ish.
PS. I finished Gossip girl, Once upon a time. Started watching Friends finally. Rewatched GoT. I cannot get through watching the final Avengers </3^<><> I have to follow-up with Mr. Robot, Apocalypse, wait, Cult before that. And. Suits.
PSS. Lately I've been updating my stone-age old playlist. I've fallen in love these bands and musicians. Of monsters and men, Cigarettes after sex, Hooverphoonic, Twenty one pilots, Grouplove, Lorde and Ruelle etcetera etcetera
PSSS. And lastly, Pieces, by Andrew Belle.
History’s a letter made of scarlet
Victories look better when you’ve called it
Misery’s the moment when I lost you
It’s pleasure in a costume
It’s more than what it cost you
SO YEAH! Laters xx
I'd gotten so used to scoring highest that when I hit rock-bottom last semester, the GPA fell straight 14 or 16 points down, when I was so near of dropping out of college lol. I heard stuff like 'dude, are you like on drugs or something? Intoxicated?' well I was kinda, cuz the initial meds didn't work so I had to change the doc. And that was when I realized people are okay with you when you are okay, nobody gives a slightest shit if you are suffering differently, more, cannot let it out, share, be normal, focus and stay in the classroom concentrate, meet deadlines... I got kinda really angry again and irritable, started overthinking so much lol. Anyway, Pets are so beautiful. Snow turned seven months old and plaaayah is one year old now. God I feel like squeezing his fur all day long, kissing him forever and looking in those infinitely amazing eyes. They have helped me soo much with all this. Escaping to your imaginary world is helpful too but don't stay there for too long that it comes gnawing at you if you're not there. We need to accept the dilemma we are as human beings, empathize every moment, be grateful and smile, be happy, stay happy, live and let live. And also accept that we aren't okay too. It's normal to not feel normal and sad and bad and crying so much. I get scared, I fear losing people, because I cannot afford losing those I have. Its totally okay and normal to feel this way maybe. We're so complex that if we start unraveling a human being and exploring the mystery they are, it'd probably take eons. Get this idea of binge-eating, won't though. So yeah.
Live day by day, Moment by moment. Let it out, Let it Go. Love unconditionally. Help unreservedly. Crack like a fool endlessly *totally classy in a badass way*
I just really want to finish my book. I'm doing one of photography too. Maybe I'll include one in my project. I really hope it turns out fine-ish.
PS. I finished Gossip girl, Once upon a time. Started watching Friends finally. Rewatched GoT. I cannot get through watching the final Avengers </3^<><> I have to follow-up with Mr. Robot, Apocalypse, wait, Cult before that. And. Suits.
PSS. Lately I've been updating my stone-age old playlist. I've fallen in love these bands and musicians. Of monsters and men, Cigarettes after sex, Hooverphoonic, Twenty one pilots, Grouplove, Lorde and Ruelle etcetera etcetera
PSSS. And lastly, Pieces, by Andrew Belle.
History’s a letter made of scarlet
Victories look better when you’ve called it
Misery’s the moment when I lost you
It’s pleasure in a costume
It’s more than what it cost you
SO YEAH! Laters xx
