Silence before the Storm

Climate change is already happening and has entered our daily lives. We have to act now. 

Everyday millions are being affected globally by the adversity termed as ‘climate change’ and billions are being spent up to clean up the mess that is left behind. Tens of thousands of people have died due to the catastrophic effects of climate change and still countless disasters are yet to come. If we don’t stop and put a halt to this inevitable phenomenon a lot will be put at risk and will be lost. Myriad storms have devastated and torn down innumerous communities in the late times and have cause havoc across the globe, but still nothing significant has been done to trim down and handle up this loss. We need to think what has to be done to hold back this before it’s too late. There is a limit, a tipping point up till where our Earth can take and survive the atrocities we inflict on it. If it will be crossed then there will be no stopping it! Technology has been so advanced in recent decades and we are so near that limit that when we will cross it we will not even realize what just happened.

Extreme weather conditions continue to occur worldwide with increasing intensity and vicious effects. World leaders have gathered on several platforms to discuss these events but have come up with no fine outcome to deal with these events. Flooding in Bangladesh and China, Wildfires in Australia and Africa, Droughts across Africa, Water scarcity in several countries, snows storms and blizzards in Europe, melting of ice caps in the arctic and Greenland, typhoons and cyclones in Philippines and Japan, hurricanes in the Pacific. Climate change is everywhere! All these cataclysmic events will continue to occur with more strength and in number if the world doesn’t stop polluting the Earth and cut out its Carbon emissions. The melting of ice-caps is resulting in drastic sea level rises and massive flooding which are immensely dangerous for the communities living ashore and also in the long time for the cities and countries near the sea level like Miami, London, Sydney, New Orleans, New York, Venice, Maldives, Mumbai, Karachi, Sendai, Greenland,, Japan and many more. The rate of sea-level rise has accelerated in this century to a huge number that is quite hazardous. In 2005 the sea level rise was estimated to 3.3 +/- 0.5 but in 2007 IPCC (Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change) projected that during the 21^st century the sea level will rise another 18 to 59 cm. More recent research shows it has accelerated to 59 to 200 cm. Now that is a huge and alarming figure.

Carbon pollution has led to rise in temperatures and an increase in atmospheric moisture. These factors can ‘super-charge’ tropical storms. The rise in sea levels has also led to higher storm surges. The evident changes and consequences climate change and global warming have had on us are in form of higher food prices, water scarcity, decreased water quality, property damage, loss of wildfire, ecological damage, higher insurance premiums, spread of diseases, lake/river decline, loss of wetlands, heat related illnesses and many more problems.

The costs we’re paying because of climate change increased insurance rates, disaster cleanups, damage to infrastructure, harmful effects on our health and many more. These don’t even begin to account for human costs when it comes to those who have lost their homes, and watch their crops slowly fail and are living in a wreck. We can’t simply afford to look at these overwhelming effects twirl out of control. We have to do something and we must do it now. Spread awareness among your folks about what’s at stake. Make your voice heard to your community leaders loud and clear. Shift to renewable energy, put up a price on carbon, take a bus to home or work, use recycled paper bags, and switch off spare lights and so on.

Along with other predictions about the earth’s climate and disaster predictions, an ice age is also among these forecasts. Global super storms are expected to breakout. Extreme weather anomalies are expected along with spiking temperatures, those which mankind has never seen. Yes people an ice age is around the corner. But the question is when? It can’t be said exactly when but it IS clearly near that the top scientists of today say with surety. George Kukla, a senior research scientist of Columbia University believes that an ice age will surely dawn upon us soon. Human activities have more impact on water vapor in our atmosphere, and the current level of human activity can accelerate the ice age. More water vapors are being carried towards the poles the southern icecap, the extreme center of northern pole is becoming ice free and lower latitudes are experiencing higher snowfall. At first scientists believed Ice ages slowly develop but now researchers have revealed upsetting evidence that an ice age can be triggered in about 10 years or even less than that.

Climate change is solvable, and we require communal solutions to prevent its continued human and financial toll. We should always remember we can’t stop climate change from happening now, but we can take steps to halt its effects. Take action before it’s too late.

                                         

This world is ours to live in. So save it!

A glimpse of my Photography

Photography has been my passion ever since I gained consciousness. It's like while doing it I feel lively and soothed. I think I've inherited this trait from my dad. He was an awe-inspiring photographer back then in his youth too. I think photography is just not about capturing images but making it something more than that. So that when someone views your shot, they get taken away by the aura around it. My photography is all about taking random shots anywhere, anytime regardless of the rules. Uh well, I won't post much of my captures here. Why? Insecurities and ever heard of plagiarism? Well yeah, that.

Tales of loneliness.

Blossoms.

The End Is Near

One of my first piece of writing, the very first poem I wrote. Well I have had nightmares about the end of the world back then so it inspired me to write something about that.

O people be warned!

Soon chaos will cease your happiness and you’ll be torn

The oceans will rise, everywhere you will hear

The mountains will burst, people will reach there untimely demise

The earth will turn into a ravenous creature

The civilizations will be swallowed up with their beautiful features

A human piece of rascality,

A state of warfare and decline it will be

In bloody massacres people will be killed

Everything will be destroyed like nobody willed

Innocence will be dead

Cruelty, hatred and greed will spread

People will die but no one will care

Everyone will run, to save them no one will dare

No place to run, no place to hide your fear

You will perish because the end is near.

Coping with recurrent negative thoughts and emotions

Every day we live, every moment we breathe is a reminder of how fortunate we are judged against those who have died. How fortunate we are to take pleasure in what we have to do and cherish the pleasure of this life. Our mind is a cosmic part of our being, it’s why we exist. Without it we’re just like a vegetable. It’s the main object behind all our emotions, actions and feelings. It why we cry, sigh, laugh, smile and so on. Now, when we’re working we are indulged in the completion of the task we are doing. Every nerve in our body is on the work to make it till the end of whatever we are doing at that moment. We don’t get time to think about other things, and in particular that happens when we are really enjoying the task we are doing and it has our heaving focus.

Everybody have their own way of thinking, looking at things, inferring them and then countering them in accordance with their own inimitable perspective. Every human being perceive same happening in a different way. And that said, that very human being has the ability to perceive the particular occurrence in tens of thousands ways. For instance let’s take it this way. Someone is really thirsty since a long while, they get a glass of water but it’s half-filled. Now there are two ways a human mind will perceive it. One being the negative way and the other being the positive way.  The negative way is put this way. The person won’t drink the water and think that it’s not enough to quench their thirst. That’s called not accepting the present situation and wanting something that we can’t get at that very moment. It called not living in the moment and desiring something. The positive way it that the person accepts the fact that they only have that much amount of water available and those they have to survive on it for the time being. They don’t let the negative thought enter their mind and drink the water. So that said, we should go with the latter and let our mind be light and positive.

ACCEPTANCE instead of tolerance

We should and we must accept things the way they are. I’m not saying we should not speak up nor do anything if things are really unfair and terrible. If your surroundings and the environment you’re living in is agonizing and not like what you want it to be the first try to change it, if it doesn’t changes and remains the same, then don’t change yourself but accept it. It will pacify you. Trust me.  If you keep tolerating a thing or a person or anything at all, it will keep on stacking up inside you, burning you from within, and then inevitably, a time will come when all hell will break loose and you’ll burst out. No one will get affected but you and yourself only.

FORGIVE and FORGET

Forgive others, they might be someone who hurt you, abused you, and made you cry and so on. Forgiving is the best way to take revenge if it may come to that. It will make the other person realize how wrong they were and how calm and great you are. And apart from forgiving, forget every grudge you have inside your mind related to that person or any thought of them. It will be really hard in the beginning but eventually it will become easier as time passes by.

MEDITATION

To meditate is the best ever possible way of emptying your mind off negative thoughts and feelings that sting you. I’ve mentioned in an earlier post the method of how to do this technique. You’ll feel wonderful and ecstatic once you start doing it regularly and exactly like how it’s supposed to be done.

WALK

Whenever you feel like really low and all drenched in sadness and negative thoughts. Go out for a walk. In fact do it every day. Make it a habit; adjust it in your routine. It should be in your list your must dos for the day. And remember when you walk, make it brisk. Walk fast. And the time span should be at least 30-40 minutes in the start. When you’ll do it, it will release your all frustrations, worries and free your mind of stupid and thoughts which are trivial. It’s one of the easiest ways to let go off negative thoughts.

GET ORAGANIZED AND FOCUSED

Organize yourself. Put your things in order. Discard those which you don’t need. Make folders at work or of your academics. Take out time and organize your wardrobe, put your shoes in order. Make to-do lists every day. Set your priorities in the order of the most important ending up with the least important. Get focused on what you want and what’s important for you. Let go of what you’re chasing after but you cannot get it. Trust me if it’s meant for you it will come to you no matter what. By doing this your confusions will go down, cluttering of your thoughts will decrease. Your decision making process will sharpen and you’ll feel energetic. Your confidence will also rise drastically.

WORK, WORK and WORK

Keep yourself indulged in activities all the time whatever they may be. Don’ts it idle AT ALL. Never. Keep yourself busy all the time! It’s for your own good. It will divert your mind from negative and bad thoughts and keep you busy. You will have no time to think about petty things and you’ll get focused.

Halloweens almost here folks! Yay.

Trick or treat? :D

I love Halloween. Who doesn't?! It's a fun filled festival when everybody dresses up as their favorite superhero, fiction character, ghosts, vampires, skeletons, witches, fairies, zombies and so on. Everybody looks scary, spooky and funny. Kids carry up baskets and go knock on every house's door they can too get candies, chocolates and others treats. There are parties and interesting activities like apple bobbing, trick-or-treats, bonfires, visiting haunted attractions, playing pranks on friends, telling scary tales, watching a horror movie and much more!

Halloween's also called 'All Hallows' Eve'. And it's celebrated worldwide on October 31st 2013. It's said that the souls of dead visit the world on this eve so everybody disguises to save themselves from evil spirits and so. This festival has Celtic roots too. In the medieval Gaelic calendar, it is the first of the four main quarter days (Samhain) and most of the important events of those times happened in these days. It marked the start of the 'darker half' of the year when preparations for the cold winter ahead were done and cattle were slaughtered. Mystic rituals were performed which also included human sacrifice. 

What you can dress up as?

• Vampire
• Goth
• Ghost
• Spirit
• Zombie
• Witch
• Fairy
• Princess
• Skeletons and much more.

Activites to do at All Hallows' Eve

• Apple bobbing
• Lighting up a bonfire
• Costume party
• Trick or Treat
• Watching a horror movie with friends
• Going to a haunted place
• Visiting graveyards and much more.

So guys enjoy and don't forget to have fun trick or treating! xD

The Undeniable truth

The post speaks for itself. Enough said.

A King was going to his palace after his rounds in the city when he met a beggar. He asked the beggar, “What would you like?”

The beggar laughed and said, “You are asking me as though you can fulfill my desire!”

The king was offended. He said, “Of course I can fulfill your desire. What is it? Just tell me.”

And the beggar said, “Think twice before you promise anything.”

“I will fulfill anything you ask. I am a powerful king, what can you possibly desire that I can not give to you?”

The beggar said, “It is a very simple desire. You see this begging bowl? Can you fill it with something?”

The king said, “Of course!” He called his vizier and told him, “Fill this man's begging bowl with money.” The vizier went and got some money and poured it into the bowl, and it disappeared. And he poured more and more, and the moment he would pour it, it would disappear. And the begging bowl remained always empty.

The whole palace gathered. By and by the rumor went throughout the city, and a huge crowd gathered. The prestige of the king was at stake. He said to his vizier, “If the whole kingdom is lost, I am ready to lose it, but I cannot be defeated by this beggar.”

Diamonds and pearls and emeralds, his treasuries were becoming empty. The begging bowl seemed to be bottomless. Everything that was put into it immediately disappeared, went out of existence. Finally it was the evening, and the people were standing there in utter silence. The king dropped at the feet of the beggar and admitted his defeat. He said, “Just tell me one thing. You are victorious – but before you leave, just fulfill my curiosity. What is the begging bowl made of?”

The beggar laughed and said, “There is no secret. It is simply made of human desire.”

This World we Live in

A piece of my poetry I wrote when I was young, I guess fourteen or something. I was an amateur back then. I think I still am. I was very much effected by the blood and gore situations around me. People dying everyday and all that. Wars and all that shit. I probably still am.

This world we live in is full of malice and hatred

Everyone’s living in a palace and the charm of this life has faded

Once upon a time there was a land where peace prevailed

Soon it turned into a land where people were spayed and innocents jailed

 Before this with freedom in their minds people walked through the streets

Now that is where a sense of terror exists and they’re marched on by army fleets

In this reign of terror people are being traumatized and heard crying

The benevolence is gone what's more is no one cares for those innocents dying

Grief and misery rules those hearts which were once praised for their bravery

Now that spirit of liberty is haunted by a fear forwardness and slavery

The land which was once recognized by the worth of its generosity

Now that is where natives are full of disgust and lack sagacity

That land where people were full of hope are now obsessed with misery

Nowadays a sense of anxiety exists and those minds feel dreary

To love, to share and to help is nowadays considered a sin

My heart bleeds as I tread though this World we live in

Just that everyone’s getting bloody curious please read this post and then judge!

Guys, guys, guys! Calm down and take a deep breath. For Crissake! Don’t judge and read this post before you judge me, which apparently some people have already done, anyway please don’t jump to conclusions it’s a humble request. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME. And trust me; I don’t give a damn about what other people think of me. I am NOT going to commit any suicide LOL. Nor am I always emotional and sad and nor do I ever brag about any of my feelings! So please. Keep it cool and classy. And if you’re really concerned about me and you want to hear me out, kindly contact me directly! AND PLEASE READ THE POSTS UPON YOUR DISCRETION. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO READ EVERYTHING I POST. Not get on my nerves and bug my best friends and ask them that what has happened to me. I write what I write and will always do no matter what. My trust has been broken more than once and I’m vulnerable to things no one can think of, we all are, when we go through these tragedies. Apparently our heart is like a glass, once broken it can’t be fixed, ever and even it is, some shards of that glass keep stinging us and we bleed from inside until our soul loses its charm and befall to the dead of the dark and sadness.

Dispose your false judgments and perceptions about me that I am like this, I am like that. That I brag about my sadness. And that I should not talk about my feelings so plainly. Well did I? I don’t think so. And even if I did, who are you to tell me what to do? I just wrote what I had to write and something I wanted to. My life, my rules. If you refrain someone from pouring it out they will feel more frustrated and agonized than ever, so don’t do that. Like Ever! I can say this by full certainty because I am a psychology student and I know pretty much as of now what are traits of human cognition. So why did I write what I wrote? Well, insecurities buddy, insecurities. I don’t care, I’m very straight when I am supposed to be. I don’t care if people who like me, hate me with the passage of time or develop a notorious discernment of me and my life. But I do care when it comes to my best friends and people who I consider on making my close friends.

ANYWAY Voila. Here comes the good part. I’m on the road of recovery. Yaay. And I’m struggling reaaaally hard to get through all of these hard times and bullshit. Someone said it right that what’s life without ups and downs? Utterly meaningless. So I have faith in God and in myself that I’ll get outta this, of course not without my friends and parents love, care and trust. I’ll survive this challenge, I always do. I believe in a fair and happy fate for me weaved by God, I’ve just got to unravel it myself. I feel like I have little time left. Me and my stupid thoughts. HAHAHAHA. Sometimes I feel like I’ve little time left? Time for what?! Sleep? To brush my teeth? Press my clothes? Prep for exams? To publish my novel? To write things? LOL. Inconsequential little silly thoughts aren’t they? Yeah I know I am lame. :( Well I’m working on it and I’ll defeat them soon I hope.

So yeah guys, I’m not a paranoid, or some all-time sadistic, bleak loner. I’m very much contented with my life so far as it goes by.

A poem for my soul-mate

           I will Never forget

 Dedicated to my dearest friend Aimma. Who means a lot to me.

This friendship I will never forget

Bonds of eloquence

Ties of Harmony

Blithesome Discourse

Sighs of consolation

Tears of parting

Desire to never let go

Moments of elation

Everlasting reminiscence

Memorable snickering

Trust etched on your heart

Feeling of care

Sharing of love

All this is just a bit of it

And all I can say is
That this friendship I will never forget.

As an emblem of our friendship. Unreservedly for you. From me.

Music tracks worth listening

Here are some music tracks I love insanely and I'd recommend everybody to hear them out at their discretion.

My heart will go on- Celion Dion

Chasing cars- Snow Patrol

Spectrum -Zedd ft. Matthew Koma (3lau remix)

Broken strings- James Morrison ft. Nelly Furtado

A thousand years- Cristina Perri

Forever- Chris Brown

Rifts of Clarity- Dirty South & Michael Brun (3lau edit)

Hear you me- Jimmy eat world

If we ever meet again- Timbaland ft. Katy Perry

Back in my life- Fly project

Secrets- One republic

Apologize- Justin Timberlake

Not Afraid/ Space bound- Eminem

I see the light- Mandy Moore

Airplanes Pt.2- BOB ft. Haley Williams

So this is Goodbye- William Fitzsimmons

The call- Regina Spektor

Falling slowly- Lee DeWyze

Fix you- Coldplay

Wake me up- Avicii

I wont give up- Jason Mraz

Lights- Ellie Goulding
Red- Taylor Swift

Perfect- Simple plan

One thing/C'mon c'mon - One direction

Turn up the Music- Chris brown

Without you- David Guetta

VCR- The xx

She will be loved- Maroon 5

Dance again- Pitbull

2 a.m- Anna Nalick

Part of me/ Wide awake- Katy Perry

Closer- Travis

Goodbye- Sabotage

Steps of Self Therapy

Self therapy is one thing we all can do. And if someone can’t do it, we can always ask our friends to help us get through along with it. If you feel downtrodden, hurt, anger, sad, frustrated, ruined, can’t figure anything out, depressed, exhilarated by life, ignored and what not. There are some small but really important things which I’ll tell you here. If you follow these steps carefully, with focus and fully as I tell you believe me, you will end up feeling ecstatic if not fully but to some extent, trust me you’ll feel the difference, you really will.

Journal writing: Do journal writing. Write up your feelings down. It’s the best way to vent out. Write whatever comes up to your mind about anything or any person. Don’t hesitate, take the pen and be its master. You’ll feel good, really good and relieved after doing it. You can also take up that journal to someone who you really really trust and make them read it if it makes you feel you good.

Walk: Walk, 30-40 minutes every day. It will help you vent out your frustration. How? Do brisk walk. Yes, BRISK. Remember if you’ll just glide and wander off into wilderness like explorers it won’t do any good and the whole point would be lost. So grab up your joggers, wear your sweats and head off for a refreshing walk. You can always take somebody you’d like to be with you to join you.

Meditation: Meditation is the most wonderful thing one can do on their own. That said if they follow and do it just the way it should and has to be done or you won’t get the result it gives in reality. Meditation consists of three breathing sequences, twenty (20) long deep breaths, (40) forty medium-deep breaths and then (40) forty short ones. Long breaths are like we inhale for a long time and then exhale at the same momentum. Always remember you need to find and follow your ‘own’ momentum. Medium breaths are like you inhale at the same momentum as in long ones but when you exhale you exhale in half time as compared to the long breaths. In the end short breaths are like you inhale and exhale quickly. These three breathing sequences have to be done without any interval in between, with your eyes closed and imagining a place of scenic beauty where you want to be. Don’t try to stop your thoughts. They will eventually stop when you will get a hold of it and get used to it.

Do things you like: DO ‘anything’ you like. Read, write, sing, walk, paint, watch TV, dance, think, surf the Internet. Do whatever as your heart pleases. If others feel uncomfortable with it, go do it alone and if then again they have objections just tell them to mind their own business and tell them that you’re trying to make out the best out of your time and that you’re trying to make your life a better one for yourself.

Schedule/Time Table: Make a schedule, a really tight one. And believe me when I say ‘tight’ I mean one that will keep you indulged in activities all the time without any gap and won’t allow your mind to drift towards negative thoughts. It’s true when they say ‘An empty mind is a devils workshop’.  So keep yourself consumed by chores every now and then and you’ll feel the difference. You’ll feel extremely good and confident in the end of the day and that sense of being triumphant is going to rock your world lass so don’t you dare waste your time on trivial things. So make a routine and try following it slowly so that you get used to it. Don’t leave any gap in between. You can always change the order of chores you have to do just so that you don’t feel bored while repeating the same things every day. You will but in a mixed order. Read, write, watch T.V., study, sing, speak, cook, walk, play sports you like, hangout with a friend. Chop chop! Off to work.

Mastery and Pleasure chart: Make a chart labelled mastery and pleasure chart. First write down your activities you do daily on a paper. Now keep that paper beside you while making the chart. Make a column and put dates of the current week on it, with rows separating the dates and a heading of dates in the first row. Then, after that, make as much columns as you want depending upon the number of activities/chores you have got on your list. Now make a row (this will be your first) and write down the names of your activities in it. Now make another one (this will be your second) and divide it into two columns and write mastery in one and pleasure in another. Once you’ve done all this you have got to rate every activity of yours out of ten. Mastery is the rating you will write before doing the task/activity/chore. How you feel before doing it. And pleasure is the rating you put up on the chart after doing the task. How you feel after doing it. You can use different colored pointers/markers while making your chart. Don’t forget you have to be HONEST while rating. That’s the whole point of it. After you’ve rated your tasks for a week analyze it. If your ratings are too down then you need to seek professional help and if not that at least a friends help or parents. Why? Because you’re feeling low and less lively. There’s a reason behind your feeling that way. Talk it out, discuss it, and work it out how to get out of what you’re going through at that time. If the ratings are average then work it through and make them go up. If the ratings are high then lass you’ve nailed it.

Here’s a demo chart.

Date	Activity 1		Activity 2
	Mastery	Pleasure	Mastery	Pleasure
1
2
3
4
5
6

Organization, Focusing on what you want and setting your priorities: Organize yourself. Put your things in order. Discard those which you don’t need. Make folders at work or of your academics. Take out time and organize your wardrobe, put your shoes in order. Make to-do lists every day. Set your priorities in the order of the most important ending up with the least important. Get focused on what you want and what’s important for you. Let go of what you’re chasing after but you cannot get it. Trust me if it’s meant for you it will come to you no matter what. By doing this your confusions will go down, cluttering of your thoughts will decrease. Your decision making process will sharpen and you’ll feel energetic. Your confidence will also rise drastically.

Get Independent: Don’t be dependent on others. Set your priorities and focus on them by yourself. Get help but not like that, that you totally become dependent on the other person who’s helping you for getting your tasks done. Trust me, if that person backs out, it will be a very huge setback and leave you badly hurt so don’t give others the fringe of doing that. Get a separate room for yourself, get your own things, buy your things yourself and spend money on yourself but keep track of your spending. Don’t blame others for anything but take responsibility yourself to make your life good. Nobody can do that but only you, yourself. It’s your life so take charge of it. Don’t think that it’s because of others that their actions will make me independent but instead think that ‘I’ve’ to do it myself.

Have faith in yourself. You’re wonderful. Nobody can be compared to you because you’re a rare individual yourself. You have talent and nobody can take that away. And trust me when I say nobody. But that can only happen if you believe in yourself. You deserve to be happy and smile like all other normal human beings. So throw away those negative and stupid thoughts and views of others into a far away land and live in peace.

Slainte! (Cheers)

REMEMBER: IF ALL ELSE FAILS, GO TO A PSYCHOLOGIST/THERAPIST! SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. DON’T WAIT OR IT WILL BE TOO LATE.

I’ll keep adding some more techniques. Keep checking!

A deluded Mind

Just a narrative I wrote to depict the thoughts, feelings of a lone, ignored, depressed and sad soul. It’s that no matter how much we say to someone else that we can feel what they feel; only the person going through that pain knows what it’s like to be there. Only if we go through that situation, we realize how hard and tormenting it is to be there. So don’t judge anyone ever in your life, you may become the reason they feel worse.

I feel like a wreck, a worthless freak treading their way through darkness and lonely paths to seek absolution, salvation and love. Nobody cares if I die or live. It just doesn't matter and probably won’t. And I'm so stupid and utterly idiotic that I keep on clinging to this fake and false hope to be wanted, cared and loved by friends, deceiving my heart making it bleed with pain and irony. I need attention but I don't think I'll ever get it. I'm the, always to start a conversation, every Damn single time except two or three of my friends. I think the world of them and here they are with their ignorant attitudes. I mean fine, if they don’t like me or don’t want to talk with me just say it on my face and cut the friggin crap. I have to and need to stop chasing after people. And then only those who'll come back to me would be the ones to whom I matter.

Sometimes I imagine myself dying thinking and fantasizing the ways in which I could possibly die. I am nothing at all without my thinking and world of imagination. It’s all I have and God of course.

I've been feeling really lonely, sad, helpless and hopeless lately since few weeks. Its tearing me down as time passes by. It’s so frustrating and agonizing. Painful as well. I feel like nobody loves me. Though I know and realize some people do love me and care for me. I don’t know I just can’t feel it. I can’t feel anything now. Everything just seems so meaningless and purposeless. I don’t feel like doing things I felt great doing before, life just seems so bleak. I think I’m going back into depression. Suicidal thoughts and flashbacks of my terrible past are invading my mind frequently. I feel like a loser and total pathetic failure. It’s terribly stressful. I am trying to meditate and divert my mind by indulging myself in studies and other activities but nothings helping at all. I want to give up and let my guard down to the devil and negative thoughts but something’s holding me back. I know that I should focus on the positive aspects of my life and ponder upon short term goals but I can’t bloody do that for God-knows-what reasons! I’m fed up of living like this. I can’t gather myself up and am being constantly deviated from my aims and goals. I miss my true friends which are really very few. People hardly talk with me. I feel so worthless and like a complete wreck. I feel badly ignored by those who are so close to me or those whom I want to be close to me. But I can’t force people to love me or be with me. I want to be with people but at the same moment I want to be alone, far away from here and in a place where nobody can disturb me and where there's peace, music, someone I love, prolly a friend and mountains. I want to make a difference in this world but I'm scared of something unknown and unidentified. It makes me feel insanely insecure. I feel like I've lost it.

Thoughts on my Best Friends and Friends

Well here are some thoughts on my closest friends so far which in fact are very few. I am very selective when it comes to making friends. So uh the people who become my close friends should consider themselves rare individuals and very special. :P I have ignored, betrayed and hurt badly by some of my friends but I still remember them I mean regret why it happened but i gotta move on for my own peaces' sake. I have a rule when I make friends, those who ignore me, I don't like them and want them to clear it out if they don't wanna befriend me or I get stuck, Damn. Stupid right? :O So uh I care the world about my friends. I have had a hard time making friends and opening up to people I still do. And there are reaally very few people I feel comfortable while talking and being with. I was and still am hugely anti-social and a insane privacy freak so...
And as for those who are curious as to why they haven't made it still to the list, well work it out, stop ignoring me and show me that you care.

DISCLAIMER: All these thoughts are mentioned by me regardless of your protests (I hope there aren't any) or any grudge I hold against any of you which I apparently don't and won't ever so feast yourself with these words which are true, every one of them.

Aimma Warood

Aimma is a sweetheart, prevalent of them all. She’s so cute and beautiful and the most innocent person I’ve ever come across in my life. I love her infinity into infinity. She’s my best friend forever and my soul-mate, I feel like I belong with her. She is the only person in this entire world to whom I’ve confided to every secret of mine. I trust her beyond anything and I know I can trust her blindly because she would never ever break it. She is one of the very few people in fact the only one who has been always there for me in my hard times most of the times, and have heard me out, every word of my worries and problems. She’s a really really really dear person to me and I’ll never let go off her. We’ll always stay friends till perpetuity. She is the most wonderful friend I’ve ever made. I’m glad she happened to me and we met each other. She’s always been a soothing sight and a comfort for me when I was most frustrated and sad. I love her and always will as a friend, as a sister and as a soul-mate. She’s a life saver, a guardian angel for me. I always go to her whenever I feel down or hurt. I pray to God that she stays safe, happy and blessed forever. And may all her dreams come true. Till death do us part.

Raazia Kamal Butt

Raazia? Haha Raazia oh Raazia. Gee, one of the cutest, funniest and (paranoid in a funny sense) people I know. Love her like oodles. She’s got a squeaky voice. Please don’t kill me or be angry dear. Always concerned so much about what people think of her and always worried but in a sweet way. Really nice and caring. Always there to hear me out, understand me and give suggestions. I’ll never forget her and stay friends with her forever and a day.

P.S. Pls don't kill me for calling you paranoid.

Ghina Elahi

Ghina, well Ghina is one of my oldest friends. The very first I made apparently. She always was there for me, to listen to my worries, to hear out my fears and frustrations. I’ve confided most of my thoughts to her. She’s always been a dear friend and a comforting one. She was also always there most of the times when I needed her. She’s very funny and cute and pretty with lovely hair and eyes.  Bearer of exquisitely adorable and elegant voice and smile. We’ll also stay best friends forever. I love her more than anything. She’s among the very few sweetest people I know.

Ikra Saleem Khan

I feel like I see myself through Ikra. She’s always been there to hear me out, to comfort me and allow me to vent out my worries, fears and aspirations to her. I’ve got many great and best advices from her. She’s one my prettiest and cutest friends. I love her a lot really, a lot. She’s so inspirational and motivational; her words are so beautifully put. She’s one of the most determined and ambitious people I've ever come across so far. I hope and we will stay best friends forever. Bearer of an amazing voice and graceful smile. She’s also of the very few understanding people I know. It’s like she can feel me and see my feelings through my eyes.

Sajjal Kamal
Sajjal! Well she's one of the most pure-hearted, cutest, ever gorgeous, funny, playful, sweetest and amiable people I've ever met in my life. She's one of my few best-friends. I trust her like nothing else and have confided everything to her because our lives are so same and it's like I see myself through her. I can feel what she feel and she does the same. It's so great to have someone like that. People like her are SO rare to find! Her perception is really perfect and her way with words is adorable.

Some people I won't mention here due to personal reasons. So sorry.

A soul that's wrecked

                                                      

Boring days

Miserable moments 

Agonizing tears

Fearful sighs

Terrible nightmares

Lost in time

Haunted by ghosts of past

Life seems meaningless

Hope is my only salvation

I run from the truth

Desperate for peace

Drenched in regrets

Possessed by demons

Torn by pain

Is a soul that's wrecked