Pouring, pouring

Right now I really feel like gulping in shitloads of KitKats and just eating them again and again and again and again. Maybe I'll go on that hypothetical date with my hypothetical boyfriend and sit in a park maybe, look at the stars, just look and inhale that cool air, have KitKats eat some Pizzas and yeah. Just that. And yeah shouting out loud, at my loudest pitch the words 'no' and 'fuck you'. And then crying into the night.
I am truthfully contented with the fact that I'm asociable most of the times and haven't had those so called clichéd childhood friend(s). I can't attach myself to anyone now except some two or three dearies with whom I'm working on my relationship with. I won't go for new cuz eventually I end up getting hurt and my words being lost in the wind like they're worthless. Well they aren't and I don't have the FUCKING time to fret over it or cry after 'friends' for whom I'm just another person in the crowd. Mind you, I don't seek attention because I get all the attention I need from my sweetheart baby and family and my mentors from whom I'm privileged to study. I just need a person to talk to at times. To share stuff i just feel like telling that person. I need cupcakes! Only if I had some 5k or 10k on me right now and I could walk myself to the nearest Gourmet. The moon is red and my temples are squeezing my eyes and head. Sleepies, I need you. To those who are just ghosts for me now, yes, GHOSTS, I don't give a slightest fuck if you don't talk to me. I am perfectly proud to not have you in my life now cuz it's GREAT that I left you or you left me whatever. Thing is, I don't need you or you're not worth talking to now. Maybe someday you'll realize that even if you wanna end things with someone do it on good terms and unsubtly. Fuggers. I am actually smiling right now. I have my baby and God.